Letter to Myself

I am 38 years old, just a few years shy from 40 and what I consider at the middle of life. Life has taught me that it is full of change and seasons. The things we ignore or repress eventually come back to find us again, to fulfil our purpose and our passions. At present, I am standing at the edge of who I have always wanted to be- an artist, a creative, an illustrator.  

If I were to go back in time and meet my younger 8-year-old self, she would be indifferent about my pharmacy degree and hospital experience. But when I tell her that I am an author-illustrator with my own book and art business, I know she would be giddy with excitement.

Likewise, if I were to meet the 24-year-old version of myself, the newly qualified pharmacist, she wouldn’t be able to comprehend this reality. It would be impossible for someone like her to pursue an art career. Her family convinced her that it would never happen.

Two girls with two very different beliefs and two very different ambitions but they are in fact the same person walking along the same road.

Now that I am older, with my own life experiences, relationships and knowledge I can discard the values and beliefs I had inherited from my parents and siblings and replace them with my own unique world view. I am now a free agent, capable of defining success for myself rather than relying on the definition set by my elders, who are now long gone.

I was lead to believe my survival depended on my willingness to satisfy the desires of my elders. In essence- I was raised to be a people-pleaser. This is why subconsciously, the approval of strangers means so much.

The life of a people-pleaser is hollow and lacks longevity.  In reflection, I have always known this and tried my best to find authenticity and follow my own path. Authenticity is that celestial fire that can burn fake empires, so it comes to no surprise that my choices as an adult were often met with displeasure or deemed not good enough by those familiar nay-sayers.

As a mother myself, I fully comprehend the analogy of children not being colouring books. My job is to nurture, not to dictate or rob them of choices. My children are not extensions of me or a source of vanity. They are a Trust from God.

I am here living my life with no regrets, pursuing the things I’ve always wanted to do and feeling proud of how I got here.